Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
