My sheets look like a crime scene.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
