Taylor Swift is so right about you.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
