I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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