i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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