I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
