Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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