carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
