Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
