her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
