You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
