Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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