i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
