I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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