mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize