do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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