i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
