I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
