While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
