hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
