i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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