At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
