Where is the hickey?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
