just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize