he puts the penis in happiness.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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