I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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