...so i touched it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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