My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
