Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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