I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
