you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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