Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
