are you so shy because you have an std?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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