and you said cock pushups were impossible
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
