I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
