There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
