Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
