do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
