Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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