Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
