So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
