i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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