I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
