wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
