i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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