bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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