Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
