craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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