thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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