You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
