One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
only you would photoshop your dick
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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