For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's official drugs can't kill me
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
