think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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