We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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