I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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