I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
