So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
