I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize