Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
