2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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