Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
