summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
