i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
