the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
