Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
