thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
