Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
