dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
