he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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