if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
